I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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