I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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