Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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