When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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