We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i dont even know how to be here
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
