Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
