she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Hippo gnu deer
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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