laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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