Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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