He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is officially offended.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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