and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
