My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
