FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
