i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
