i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
