I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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