I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
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I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
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He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit