Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week