Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra