Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
