Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
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Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
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That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do