I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
