you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
