It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
