I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
