Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
