we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i think my cat just said my name.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
