there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
