Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
