It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
