my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
