I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
