eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
