"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Randomize
