he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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