R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She announced her abortion via fbk
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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