It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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