I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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