I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
