I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
