he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
