Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
