Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
