I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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