After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
