i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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