When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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