Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
