This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
