she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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