im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize