i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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