My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
