you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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