I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
