its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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