u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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