I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
