And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Floor bacon is actually really good
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
