You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
