This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
