That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like the curious george of whores
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize