I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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