I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
