Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
