turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
