I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
