I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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