If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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