dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
