What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
