I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
