i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
