All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
