i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
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the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
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