i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
tell me about the eggs
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