Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
whose parrot is this?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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