My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
