HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
