Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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