Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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