i wish my penis had a tongue
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
