Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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