Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
