my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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